During the summer of 2013, I invited some of my friends to a food truck festival in my hometown of Philadelphia. Only one person showed up; a friend of a friend. I worried that without a buffer or third party we wouldn’t have a good time, but in the end we had a great time. I invited him to the next group event and soon we began hanging out one on one. Eventually we started dating, but only a few weeks before I had to return to school. Returning to school often means the end of a summer fling but it doesn’t have to.
Many people believe that anyone willing to enter into a long distance relationship is attempting emotional suicide. Friends, family members and media say that no matter what age or stage in the relationship, no connection can go the distance. During the last season of “Sex and The City,” Carrie’s lover had asked her to go with him to Paris indefinitely but her whole life was in New York. “Maybe we could do long distance for awhile,” Carrie said. “You mean back and forth? It’s never worked for me. You know, someone meets someone, someone gets bored,” countered the lover.
I didn’t know either. This summer fling with all its bliss would never last the school year and I didn’t expect it to. Except, months later I’m still with him and I’ve discovered that being in a long distance relationship with someone you trust is possible and enjoyable. No relationship is perfect, but the prospect of distance shouldn’t mean the end of a relationship, especially one that makes you happy.
Distance is mainly an issue if, like Carrie, you have yet to define your relationship. The “what are we doing?” phase is never a fun time, especially when you’re separated by time difference, miles, and/or oceans. I only had to deal with miles, but it worked because we stayed in contact with each other and, as our relationship developed, so did the trust we had for one another. No relationship can work without trust, and if you’re worried that your partner will cheat on you even when you live in the same city then a long distance relationship is only going to amplify that mistrust, especially if you haven’t defined your relationship. I always reason that if at any moment I feel the need to investigate someone then I shouldn’t be in a relationship with that person because that means that I do not trust him.
With trust comes responsibility. Sometimes we are separated for a few weeks, and other times for a month or two. This means that unlike a traditional relationship, we have lots of time to develop our own interests. As a college student, I find it very appealing because I rarely worry about blowing off homework to spend time together or blowing off friends because you are supposed to spend the weekend with your significant other.
I like to stalk models and editors during fashion week and he likes to workout and drink protein shakes. We’re both perfectly content not having to share those things with one another. Having separate interests means that we have more to share with each other. It’s the shared and separate experiences of life that make a person and a relationship stronger. Not being together all the time and having separate interests are never issues if you can communicate well with your partner.
Even when we are together, our separate interests do not tear us apart because we respect each others interests and know that if we expected our relationship to be our only source of happiness, it would create unnecessary pressure and expectations.
With so many far and in-between times to spend with one another, we rarely argue. It might help that we were friends prior to dating, or that we respect each other enough to ask what in particular made the other person upset. Overall, I think we have learned to brush off small annoyances because we trust each other enough not to push each other’s buttons. For us, it is trust and not physical proximity that makes a long distance relationship as happy and fulfilling as a traditional relationship.
Ayo Keys is currently earning a dual degree in Fashion Design and Journalism + Design at The New School. Born and raised in West Philadelphia she enjoys thai food, large issues of Vogue, anything rose gold and knitting. She has an obsession with art direction, well designed fonts and hopes to one day become a Creative Director.
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