Is Being Gay Easier If You’re Jewish?

Alex Grossman had no problem coming out to his family. He says it was even easier to tell them that he performs in drag. Grossman did, though, find that being gay conflicted with his Jewish identity.

“The Rabbi of the synagogue I used to go to in Massachusetts was very against homosexual marriage,” Grossman, 26, says. “When I asked my mom, ‘So when I do get married, I want the rabbi in Massachusetts to marry me,’ she said ‘No, he can’t because he doesn’t approve of gay marriage.’” Grossman, a graduate of Gibbs School, who now lives in Brooklyn, remembers being upset by this conversation as he had hoped to get married in that synagogue.

Grossman also discussed his career as a drag queen with his family. “They were like, ‘it’s cool that you’re happy,’” says Grossman, who performs under the alias Lady Havokk. “My mom was like ‘you’re happy, you’re extremely pretty, you’re prettier than your sister.’”

In the United States, much of the opposition to homosexuality comes from conservative Christian groups like the American Baptist Churches, the Roman Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also known as The Mormon Church. These groups believe homosexuality is a sin. While most of the U.S population is Christian, according to the Census Bureau, 2.1 percent, or more than 6.5 million people, are Jewish.

Some Jews say they see Judaism as a more accepting religion for gay people. One of them is Grant Rosenberg, 22, from California, although he admits that “there are some challenges.”

Rosenberg says the challenges of being homosexual within Judaism are subjective. Orthodox Jews don’t approve of homosexuality, while many other sects are more accommodating.

The Torah, the five books that make up the Hebrew Bible, mentions homosexuality twice in the Book of Leviticus. Leviticus 18:22 says, “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is detestable.” Leviticus 20:13 says, “And if a man lie with mankind, as with womankind, both of them have committed a detestable act: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”

While Orthodox Judaism often interprets the Torah literally, there are other sects of Judaism that take different approaches. Starting in the 1970s, the Reconstructionist and Reform movements took a more liberal stance on many issues, including gay rights. Then in 2007, the Conservative movement took the position that gay and lesbian individuals can be married as well as ordained as Conservative rabbis and cantors.

“This has been an evolutionary period,” says Conservative Rabbi Seymour Rosenbloom of Elkins Park, Pennsylvania. “There are lots of things in ancient times that were abominable that aren’t anymore.”

Rabbi Nicole Guzik, also from a Conservative congregation in Los Angeles, echoes Rabbi Rosenbloom’s thoughts. She explains that the Conservative movement views the Torah as the product of humans and recognizes that ideologies can change over time.

“We are taught to look at the statements speaking about homosexuality in the Torah and give them great thought and interpret them in the context of living in 2014 versus the context of when they were written,” she says.

In Israel, where about 75 percent of the population is Jewish, attitudes toward homosexuality seem to be more liberal than in the U.S.

While the U.S. military did not overturn its “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy until 2011, thereby allowing homosexuals to serve openly in the military, the Israeli Defense Forces has been far more progressive on the issue.

Vitorio Ashkenazi, a 22 year old gay Israeli soldier, says there’s never been any trouble serving openly in the Israeli Defense Force (IDF). “The army accepts us for who we are and gives us rights,” he says. He claims that if someone makes rude comments concerning another soldier’s sexuality, it’s considered sexual harassment.

Another point of difference: In the IDF, transgender soldiers receive medical treatment (hormones and gender reassignment surgery) provided by the IDF and have their preferred gender respected. For example, if a soldier is a male-to-female (MTF) transperson, she is allowed to share a room with other female soldiers.

Still, Ashkenazi does recall having difficulties when he came out in 2010, and describes the acceptance of homosexuals in Israel as being “half and half.” Nevertheless, he says he’s learned to adapt to this uncertain environment. “I just go with it and did whatever I wanted and that’s like my religion right now,” he says.

To hear Ashkenazi tell it, Israel is in front of the U.S when it comes to the acceptance of homosexuality. Same-sex sexual activity was legalized in 1988 and a poll conducted by the Smith Research Institute in 2009 shows that 53 percent of Israel’s Jews support same-sex marriage. In comparison, a 2009 Gallup poll indicated that only 47% of Americans were supportive of gay marriage. While same-sex marriage is not currently legal in Israel, marriages performed elsewhere are recognized. In 2008, an Israeli court decision allowed same-sex couples to adopt children. The city of Tel Aviv, famous for its annual pride parade and LGBTQ beach, was called the gay capital of the Middle East by Out magazine. The LGBTQ travel website, gaycities.com, has called Tel Aviv the “best gay city.”

Worlds away in North Carolina, Jen Cordiale, 21, came out to her Jewish mother when she was 16. Cordiale is currently in the army and living in New York. She grew up with a Jewish mother and a Baptist father. While her mother’s side of the family was “cool with it,” her father still does not know.

Cordiale admits to having fears about coming out to her father’s side–she says she’s afraid they will be less accepting due to their Baptist heritage. Though she’s not very religious, she identifies as Jewish. “I want to get married by a rabbi to please my family. It wouldn’t matter to me, but I think it would to them,” she says.

Rabbi Rosenbloom is certainly open to performing wedding ceremonies for gays. “People don’t choose their sexual orientation,” he says.“This is something God implanted within them. We don’t believe God would implant this sexuality if it wasn’t something that should be acted upon.”