Is there a tiny, green, furry man, maybe once played by Jim Carrey, living deep within your heart? Does the sound of “Holly Jolly Christmas” make you want to rip out one of your limbs? We’re here to help. These are the five things that’ll help get you through the unavoidable holiday season.
1.) Attend the Santa Claws Photo Event hosted by PetSmart. Where else can you watch dogs wiggle around and pee, on a green screen, with some innocent, jolly man dressed as Santa Claus photoshopped in? Bonus points if you can get a glimpse of their owners whistling and snapping like stage moms/dads.
(Saturday’s and Sunday’s from December 5th-20th 10am-1pm)
2.) If you’re a real cynic or just get a kick from other people’s misery, take a trip to one of the several ice skating locations in the city during this season. What’s more fun than watching people wipe-out on their behinds?
For extra LOLs try to spot the boyfriends who were unwillingly dragged along and forced to act as balancing cones for their girlfriends who don’t want to go down alone. (Hint: they are usually the ones freezing and frowning.)
The Ice Rink at Rockefeller Center: Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 12 a.m. until April 2016
Wollman Rink in Central Park: more information here
Winter Village at Bryant Park: more information here
3.) Whether you have some shopping cash leftover or not, go check out the temporary shopping market in Union Square. There are tons of unique vendors, artists and designers who show their works. So, even if you can’t afford to buy the pieces, they are worth taking a look!
Got a sweet tooth? The market also has some super yummy sweets like the Doughnuttery’s mini-donuts, or Batter & Cream’s epic Whoopie Pies. But the best part? Shopping (or just browsing) and eating without the unwanted Christmas tunes retail stores keep on a loop during this time of year. Thank God.
4.) Shopping or art-watching not your thing? Throw an anti-holiday party. Tell your friends to come dressed in anything but an ugly Christmas sweater, serve lots of beer, and order in Chinese while listening to some anti-holiday tunes.
“Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year” by Tiny Tim
“The Hanukkah Song” Adam Sandler
“Christmas in Heaven” Monty Python
“Silver Bells” Steve Martin, Paul Simon, and Billy Joel
“Christmas At Ground Zero” Weird Al
5.) DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE ELSE YOU DEBBIE DOWNER! The holiday season may suck for a ton of reasons, but put the bullshit notions of “spreading holiday cheer” aside for a moment, go pick up some gift cards from Dunkin’ Donuts or Starbucks and make a homeless person’s day.
It’ll make you feel good. I promise.