It is after Valentine’s Day, and all we hear in the hallways at work is, “how was your Valentine’s Day?” Questions about who we’re seeing and who we consider our valentine to be fill single’s hearts with anxiety. As hard as it is to deal with the awkwardness of dating and the pattern of failed love interests, it is essential that no day, including Valentine’s Day, shape how we as single women feel about ourselves. It is important to be complete in yourself, although it is difficult with the stigma that single women face in society. Instead of longing for “the one,” we must focus on self love and care.
With films like How to be Single and Trainwreck, being single has become empowering, and almost desirable to women who want to feel confident, independent, and in control of their own love life. They aren’t concerned about monogamous relationships, they do what they want and refuse to be tied down. It makes us feel less “singled out” and does a good job of getting us to take more risks, no matter how many awkward dates we must face. As a single woman in New York City, I am definitely one of the many women in this position.
I’ve had my share of hopeless crushes and awkward situations with guys where I wondered if I was just a booty call, or the girl of their dreams. The days leading up to, and after Valentine’s Day can also be a reminder for many singles of all of the failed dates, relationships, and the ones that got away. In moments of weakness, Valentine’s Day leaves us with one question: are all of these bad dates a sign of our inevitable loneliness? Although it is easy to let these thoughts in, it is important to not get too caught up in these feelings and relax. You are not alone, at one point or another everyone has experienced being single and knows what it’s like to feel loneliness or discomfort with it. Once you stop stressing over what you don’t have on Valentine’s Day and start focusing on yourself and what you want to present to the world, you are one step closer to overcoming your loneliness.
Learning to accept life as it is and practicing self love is one of the greatest things I have learned to do and should be practiced by everyone – single or not. Just because you are not in relationship does not mean that you are any less of a person. Feeling ‘singled out’ is a state of mind. Taking care of yourself is the best way to get over Valentine’s Day sadness. Instead of sitting at home wishing you had someone to go out with, call a friend up and do something fun. Talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling to blow off some steam. Something I wish I learned earlier is staying off of social websites and comparing other people’s lives to my own. In order to keep yourself happy and to take care of your mind you cannot compare yourself to others.
Sadness and deep feelings of self hate can later lead to depression. I have felt sadness many times for things that I could not control but there is a difference between feeling sad and lonely and just feeling like you are truly alone. “Sometimes, people I work with aren’t aware of why they’re feeling irritable, sad or emotionally fatigued. When we look at the calendar, we spot the triggering date, and soon the depressive symptoms make sense, said Dr. Serani in the Huffington Post.
After Feb 14th rolls around it’s not only important to accept where you are regarding your love life, but it also is important to throw society’s expectations of “the perfect Valentine’s day” or perfect “love life” out the window. It’s hard not to look back and see where you’ve gone wrong in your dating life, or to feel happy for others when you are not happy in yourself. Outside looking in, it will always look like someone else has a perfect love life or relationship, when in reality there is no such thing. Everyone has insecurities and knows what it’s like to feel like an outsider. Even with self love, there will be moments along the way where it seems like love will never find you, but it will, you just have to remain strong and put yourself first. Don’t wait until someone else sees your worth before you see it in yourself.
Ali McPherson is a native New Yorker, an inspiring writer and photographer. A die hard fan of NYLON magazine, Ali dreams of dipping into journalism and fashion.
