Throughout my life, I’ve always been told that “smoking was unhealthy” and that it could lead to “bad things.” All of that stuff resonated in my head, but when I began my first year at The New School something changed.
I was at Union Square with a group of New School friends that were passing a cigarette around. I wasn’t smoking, but as I watched them, all of the those awful, anti-smoking cliches echoed inside my head. I tried hard, but I just couldn’t keep my curiosity down. When my turn came to take a pull, I did it. It made me feel free. It made me feel like I belonged.
I spent a lot of my time during the summer before freshman year working to meet new people and become accustomed to the new environment that The New School campus provided. As a 19-year-old, I was generally responsible with my actions, but I needed to try something new. I wanted to break the rules a little. Most of the students that I passed by at The New School smoked cigarettes and looked so happy. I wanted to be happy like them. I imagined myself smoking in the Lang courtyard for the next four years, chilling out and meeting new people.
By orientation week, I had bought my first pack and began to view smoking in a better light. By the time the summer was over, I bought a pack of Newports and hid it in my room. When my mom found it, she sat me down to have a long talk about my health. The information she spewed seemed to go from one ear to the next. I smoked two more cigarettes after that, and still my mom’s words didn’t completely resonate with me.
The last time I smoked, I was alone and I had asked for a lighter on the street. Alone, outside of my job watching people pass me by, made me feel small, not free and definitely not cool. The next day my guidance counselor from the HEOP program showed me the effects of smoking on Google. It wasn’t until then, when she showed me images of people with the addiction and seeing how it affected the body, that reality set in. I was horrified. I began to pay more attention to the anti-smoking commercials all over the television. After another talk with my mom, and more Google image scrolling, the ‘cool’ factor wore off and I began to see cigarettes for what they were. I was beginning to see that maybe the people I wanted to socialize with, weren’t the type of people I should be socializing with.
Today, when I pass smokers on the street, I reflect on my past experience with smoking and I don’t feel like an outsider. I have gotten to know more people at The New School who don’t smoke and who like me just the way I am. When I see people smoking I think about how close I could of been to relying on it, and remaining a smoker for years even after college. I don’t feel safe, boring or like my old high school self. I feel like I am evolving and learning how to make smarter decisions. Not smoking and choosing to live a healthy lifestyle is my choice and as a young adult, I feel like it is the best choice for me.
I don’t even speak to some of the friends I’ve met over conversations about smoking cigarettes. The friends who I had shared my first cigarette with at Union Square Park were less ‘friends’ and more ‘acquaintances’ when I look back at it. I have more friends who don’t smoke cigarettes and who could never see themselves smoking. Although a lot of socializing is centered around smoking cigarettes, I’ve chosen to surround myself with a different crowd.
Ali McPherson is a native New Yorker, an inspiring writer and photographer. A die hard fan of NYLON magazine, Ali dreams of dipping into journalism and fashion.
