If you’re looking for another way to procrastinate this finals season, you can add getting a glass of water at the Lang cafe to your list of options.

The water fountain at the Lang Cafe, usually a community favorite water fountain, has students besides themselves in anger over how slowly the water dispenses recently.

“I feel like this is a forced exercise of mindfulness,” said Julia Foote, a sophomore Dance major at Lang. “This is no fun for me.”

Another student, Mariana Corona, insisted that she had no time to comment on the malfunctionality of the water fountain before realizing that she did in fact have time thanks to the slow drip of our unhurried reservoir.

“It really could be faster,” said Corona. “I usually don’t have this much time.”

The New School Free Press took to science and calculated that a generic 12 oz. plastic cup takes precisely  47.40 seconds to fill up. If on average a student takes 5 trips for water per day, they would be spending approximately 3.95 minutes per day at the fountain. Multiply that by 5 for each day in the work week, that time accumulates to 19.75 minutes per week. 19.75 minutes per week not resting. 19.75 minutes per week not working on finals. 19.75 minutes per week not watching Seinfeld to avoid those finals. The numbers are startling.

But the issue is deeper than time wasted for some students at Lang; others feel like the faulty water fountain is tearing the New School community apart.

“It is really frustrating when somebody else is trying to use the water fountain and I’m using the water fountain and it’s taking forever,” said Ben Clement, sophomore at Lang who says he not only feels uncomfortable, but also defensive when he’s waiting at the fountain for so long.

“Either I’m the person filling up and I feel really awkward about it and the person behind me makes me feel weird about it, or I’m impatient and I get mad at them because their water bottle is taking forever. Then it becomes a cup vs. water bottle issue, who has priority.”

Clement admitted that he fills up water bottles, and not cups. Only time will tell how rising tensions between the two groups will continue to divide the community at Lang. What’s clear is that students want answers to the problems with the water fountains because they’re getting angry fast.

“I have very real frustrations with this water fountain right here,” said Desmond Howard, a graduating senior at Lang. “Why the [expletive] does the nozzle itself trip out and go to the upper right corner when it has the ability to be wide as [expletive]?”

Howard is confused by the issues on a multiple levels and wasn’t shy expressing his concerns to the NSFP.

“Does the nozzle need to be cleaned? Is it built up? I don’t know what it is, but they need to work on that jawn. And then this light here is on red. That’s not good.”

Howard confirmed that he will not be missing the water fountain once he graduates this Spring semester. When asked how he thought the station could be improved, the senior provided some possible answers.

“The problem is that it takes too long…because of the damn nozzle.”

Whatever the issue may be, Joy, food service worker at the cafeteria wants everyone to know that the troubles have nothing to do with her.

“I’m not sure why it’s taking so long to fix,” said Joy. “It could depend on getting the piece, but I don’t know who specifically is supposed to do that. Even though we have maintenance workers, everyone has a different job.”

Joy believes the problem is with the filter and, in unsuspectedly poetic fashion, likened the difficulty with the fountain to that of the human anatomy.

“If the filter is about to go, it’ll start dripping slow. Think about it like your body. If you’re irregular and aren’t detoxing then something is not filtering correctly.”

The NSFP contacted Facilities Management to inquire whether they had received any complaints regarding the fountain.

“I have checked under several complaint/repair requests and nothing has come up,” said Luana Elias, Administrative Assistant at Facilities Management.

Elias added that she had not heard of the issue, but assured that help is on the way.
But until all of our favorite water dispensary is fixed, there are two perfectly functioning fountains in the basement and on the second floor. You are all welcome and can now get back to finals. That is, until the microwave lets us down.