Today is National Coming Out Day. “Coming out,” or sharing your previously-private sexual orientation to friends and family can evoke a wide range of emotions for people. For some, the moment was carefully planned. For others, coming out was a spur of the moment decision. Today, the New School Free Press went out to ask students about their coming out stories. Here’s what they had to say:
Adam Verhoeff, Lang
“I always knew I was gay from the beginning, but of course I tried to pass it off as some sort of phase. I started talking to this girl a lot and we became really good friends…I didn’t really know what to say because I really liked her as a friend, and I also wanted to portray this image of also being attracted to females, so I decided to go with it. We started dating, and we almost had sex, but we didn’t because she was afraid it would hurt too much, but she told everyone in school that we did have sex. I didn’t mind.
I went to a very small private high school where my class was only 50 kids and it was like that my entire life, going to very small private schools, so I knew everyone in my class, and I knew that nobody was gay so I didn’t have anyone to kind of like, experiment with, and you know, I didn’t feel comfortable being the only, out gay kid in my high school.”
I didn’t feel like I actually came out until I told my parents, which was when I was at Tufts. I was incredibly depressed when I was there, and my parents had to come get me, they knew I needed a break from school so they came and got me and took me to Vermont to this nice little hotel and it was really nice and relaxing and I got a massage. But the whole trip I couldn’t stop crying, and I didn’t know what was wrong, well I knew what was wrong I had a crush on this guy at Tufts and I didn’t want to talk to my parents about it. And at some point I was just like guys, I’m gay. That’s what’s troubling me.”
Sometimes it feels like I have to come out every day because not everyone knows I’m gay right when they first meet me, but I mean it’s definitely something that’s been with me, like I can’t remember how it started, but I mean I’ve only ever watched like gay porn so.”
Jake Goldzweig, Lang and Parsons
“It wasn’t something super extravagant, I kind of wanted to do something, it was the middle of high school, I realized high school was almost over and I was just kind of like, I don’t really care, why don’t I finally come out already? And this was the dispute, for like a year or two, it wasn’t about being ashamed about being gay, it was just like how am I gonna come out? ‘Cause there’s just so many different ways,…So what we did, it wasn’t super announced, but my best friend who’s a girl, we were going to prom or homecoming or one of those dances, and then I made a sign that said “wouldn’t it be crooked if I took you to prom?”
Marina Delgado, Lang
“My first girlfriend was in high school and nobody knew, it was a complete secret, and her mom walked in on us making out, and it was really bad, she forced me to tell my mom so, I was 15 and I wasn’t ready, but I had to so, it was pretty traumatic but it ended up being okay because my parents were super supportive”
Tiff Scott, (Marina’s girlfriend who goes to Cuny New Paltz)
“I was forced to as well, my girlfriend’s mother like found out and she was like I’m going to tell your parents if you don’t so, I had to tell them. I started crying while I told them and then my dad was just like, why are you crying, I mean, we knew. So I guess it was pretty funny and ok, but I was like ahh, this is so scary.”
Zachary Mazur, Lang
I was being really snippy to my mom, and she like said something, and we got into a heated argument and she commented on something just like being sarcastic, like oh you’ve been hanging out with those girls again what are you, like a girl too? Are you gay? And I was like well bitch yeah I am gay! And so, she didn’t take it seriously at first. At first, she thought I was being sarcastic because I was fighting with her and I was retaliating but you know I kept saying like, yeah I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay, and then she finally was like wait. Are you? And that was when the whole thing unraveled… trust me, if that didn’t happen I don’t know how long it would’ve taken me I’d probably still be in the closet. But that did happen, and I’m out and I’m proud I’m free, I’m liberated…my brother’s gay too, and we have a deeper connection now just because he understands now that I’m gay and he’s gay, our relationship has just quadrupalized in the last like, few months.
First semester of college… I came back to the city and I had a hickey on my neck and I had to meet my brother and his boyfriend on the lower east side that exact night …I also got a septum piercing at Cornell in the college town…and my brother was just really like, what is happening? because I was just growing up right before his eyes, and then his boyfriend was like oh my god, is that a hickey on your neck?… I just started laughing because I was so nervous and my brother was like go inside, to his boyfriend. So it was just me and my brother and he was like, who gave you the hickey?…and then I was like it’s this guy, blah blah blah, I met him at Cornell. And he was like oh, taken aback a little, but either way, its funny because both occasions where I came out were so, just like, not planned. I wasn’t like ok I need to talk to you guys. It just came out because of the unexpectedness of the situation, them noticing my hickey, me and my mom being in a fight and me just like being fed up with her comment, but to me that just felt so much more organic, you know what I mean?”
Jess Mastro is a transfer student at Eugene Lang. She transferred as a sophomore and is currently a much happier junior at Lang than she was a freshman at the state school she attended before. Jess thrives in an intimate class setting where everyone’s ideas can be heard, especially hers. She is undeclared right now, but will most likely be declaring a major in film--which makes sense because she’s probably spent more time watching TV and movies than anything else, besides maybe sleeping. She was born and raised in Manhattan, and she sings mediocrely in her spare time.
