Welcome to Free Press Free Write, a weekly column written by the staff of The New School Free Press. Each week a new staff member might share a story, memory, maybe a DIY, or a week-in-review. Free Write is a space where our reporters, artists and editors can express themselves through writing. In times like these, writing can be an escape.
Next up is our reporter and social media editor, Franchette RJ Zamudio shares a poem that is inspired by her internal experiences as a Filipino woman in this time of rising anti-Asian hate crimes.
Walking in a Gallery with a White Man
We stumble upon a pretentious art gallery
Showing off prints of Picasso and Haring, no less
But the snobby people working inside act as if they have the real things,
As if the art is too expensive for commoners to be in here
As if art was not meant to resist the harassment of this capitalist and racist world
I went to all the artsy schools,
I write, I draw, I design, I sing, I act, I dance on ice,
I make art. I perform art.
Everything I can do to perform. I overperform.
I overperform to get people to notice,
I overperform to get people to care,
I overperform to convince people my voice as a Filipino woman matters.
I overperform to convince myself that I matter.
You play instruments.
From artsy summer camps, after school programs, to the specialized arts high school in New York,
Now: The New School
I don’t say all this to brag,
I find comfort in what these institutions have given me: some type of validity, some type of superficial safety
Some way for me to be able to say, “See, I belong here. See, I am good enough.”
They said I belong here so therefore I do,
Even though any day now I can walk out the door and be attacked just like my fellow Asian New Schooler.
What use are all these arts schools? What use is The New School’s “progressive” culture when I’m dead?
You studied communications in New Jersey.
Now walking inside this gallery
Where one might think I’d feel at home and safe as an artist
Inside this white gallery
A white woman immediately follows us
And deep down I feel she meant to follow me.
“Are you looking for anything specific?” she asks
I take a deep breath
The same breath I take when employees follow me around in retail stores
The same breath of “I didn’t do anything. But I have morena skin so they don’t think I belong.”
The same breath of walking out my door and wondering if I’ll end up like that Filipino man slashed in the face,
The same breath of walking out my door and wondering if today I’ll get murdered like the 6 Asian women in Atlanta
The same breath of wondering if I’ll end up like the Asian woman my age who was punched two blocks away from my job on 34th street
The same breath of worrying about my mom after reading about the 65 year old woman who was brutally attacked near Times Square
The same breath of wondering
The same breath of worrying
The same breath of suppressing
“Well, I’m looking at art!” you say to the white woman sassily.
You say this immediately.
No hesitation.
No inner questioning of whether you belonged to this place.
Whether you’ve proven yourself enough as an artist.
Whether you worked hard enough to deserve to be here.
Whether you deserve to be in this country or not.
Whether you deserve to be.
You start to walk around,
The confident walk
Of a white man in a gallery
“They’re playing Radiohead!” you say in glee
Of course they are
RESOURCES:
- To see statistics, updates on the Asian community, places to donate and show your support: https://anti-asianviolenceresources.carrd.co/
- A free training course on bystander intervention: https://www.ihollaback.org/bystanderintervention/
- Report an incident: https://stopaapihate.org/ Report an incident through the school: https://www.newschool.edu/title-ix/report/
- Student Health Services
- Student support and advocacy: studentsupport@newschool.edu
- International Student and Scholar Services (ISSS): iss@newschool.edu
- Campus safety number who are available 24/7 for emergencies: 212.229.7001
- Residence Hall staff: universityhousing@newschool.edu
(These resource links are from our previous article on anti-Asian hate crimes by Nicole Abriam).