Love, Lucy is the New School Free Press’ weekly advice column, where writers anonymously share thoughtfully researched solutions to your questions about life. Send submissions through Love, Lucy’s official Google Form, and you might hear back from Lucy herself.
Dear Lucy,
I’m really close with my parents and I’m feeling homesick. How can I still feel close to them while I’m away at school?
From,
A Lonesome Freshman
Dear Lonesome Freshman,
Being away from home for the first time can bring many new challenges and for college students, homesickness is an all too common feeling. This can be from missing your childhood bedroom, attention from your adorable, slobbery, pets, or confiding in your most trusted sources, your parents.. The constant stimulation of the city, drama with roommates, or missing the luxury of a home-cooked meal can be overwhelming. This can make it hard to enjoy anything new and exciting that is happening. However, nostalgia can show your appreciation for the past, which can lead to wishing to recapture it.
Only through distance and growth can the absence of others truly be felt.
Missing that closeness with friends and family members can make it hard to connect with new people, but remembering how you got here may help. Remember the strength you possess in choosing to undergo this terrifying transition to a new lifestyle. Embrace the power of that independent choice, and appreciate the strength of embarking on this unnerving journey. Celebrating the power of pursuing change can make the wait of heading home go by much faster.
No one is alone in missing home. According to Medical Xpress, an online psychology publication, 70% of first-year college students experience some level of homesickness, usually lasting for the first couple months of the semester. Remind yourself of the normalcy of this reaction and build an understanding toward battling this fear.
While this is easier said than done, here are some helpful tips for battling homesickness and staying connected:
- Make use of your space
One easy solution is decorating your personal space. Putting photos of your dog by your desk or hanging a picture of your parent’s favorite musician on the wall. These physical reminders can make your home feel a little less far away. Offering reminders of home and a cute addition to your dorm decor.
- Keeping busy
While not the easiest, activities can serve as helpful and productive distractions from those overwhelming feelings. Whether you’re exploring outside neighborhoods, scouting out coffee spots, or thrift shops, venturing out allows for new scenery and gives you space from grieving thoughts. Joining school or outside clubs can also aid the need for distraction, creating new social connections to pass the time with. Establishing new routines is another form of exploring opportunities. Try skateboarding to the park or using a Citi bike to get to class. Making an effort towards a healthy lifestyle can quickly improve both the mind and body, which may help curb those feelings of homesickness.
- Staying connected
Technology has never been a better ally for keeping in touch with anyone on your contact list. From Instagram to Skype, there are countless websites or apps for when you really need to hear the voices of your loved ones. Whether that means having a weekly debrief with parents or drama-spilling sessions with your high school best friend, having these talks can help you feel less alone. Keeping people from home caught up to speed with the changes in your life allows both parties to feel more connected.
Another way to keep ties strong is by planning a visit home and giving yourself something to look forward to. With long weekends and breaks approaching, there’s an opportunity to go back and visit your hometown. While being careful not to overly indulge in the chance, checking off the days on the calendar may make you feel better.
- Coping with feelings
At times, homesickness can evolve into a more severe problem. It’s important to acknowledge when these emotions become more intense and begin affecting other areas of daily life. When these feelings become too powerful and isolating, consider reaching out for additional support. One possible source is the Student Health Services (SHS); communicating with other mental health professionals may help you deal with these intense feelings long-term.
As mentioned in Mental Health America, an online leading psychology website, allowing “yourself to feel sad for a while, such as by crying or just being quiet and noticing how you feel,” may offer relief. Finding healthy ways to express emotions can make dealing with them more manageable over time. Another tool is writing down any thoughts or feelings in a diary, allowing you “to understand your feelings better and give [yourself] time to experience them.”
Battling homesickness and keeping close to family is hard enough with the never-ending changes that occur almost daily. But when using the right tools, the time can begin to fly by. And just remember, everyone feels this to some degree. Fortunately, having New York City as a background for these challenges is an opportunity in itself. Take advantage of the distinct, beautiful atmosphere, and find others who share these all too common feelings. Make use of every day by exploring and experiencing something different. Use the time to create stories for when you finally return back to the place that feels most like home.
Love,
Lucy