Bar-goers crammed themselves into a Brooklyn dive bar last weekend for a one-of-a-kind event. Turtles All the Way Down, located on Malcolm X Boulevard in Bed-Stuy, is famous for its laid back atmosphere and frozen coffee cocktails served in a classic blue Greek diner cup. But on Sunday, the energy was different. The usual air of relaxation was replaced by murmurs of excitement as a huge crowd packed into the small space. The turtle races were about to begin.

The eclectic decor of Turtles All the Way Down isn’t used to fighting for attention. Vintage beer signs, both sheet metal and aluminum, adorn the bar’s brick and wood slat walls, and the long bar is illuminated by the soft glow of overhead lamps. A mounted deer head looks on above the bar, Christmas lights tangled in its antlers. In the corner opposite the jukebox, beneath a hanging American flag and life-sized replica hammerhead shark, sits the bar’s crown jewel: an enormous turtle tank. The tank is home to the bar’s most famous regulars, two red-eared sliders named Ja Rule and Vita. Named after artists from Murder Inc. Records, the turtles laze in the tank most of the time, but on the first Sunday of each month, they can be seen on the other side of the glass. On a shuffleboard table in the front of the bar, they spend their Sunday evening racing one another down a short, green, carpeted track.

Mimi Martins, the event’s emcee and self-described “vibe-curator/turtle mommy,” sells tickets on the bar’s patio before each race. Two bucks gets you a colored arcade ticket, and a coin flip determines the turtle your ticket represents. If your chosen turtle wins the race, you can trade your ticket in for a free drink. 

Turtles, it turns out, can be surprisingly quick. The first race of the night began at five o’clock, and resulted in a resounding win for Vita, the younger of the two sliders. She sped down the course at a breakneck pace — at least for such a famously slow animal. The crowd erupted as she cleared the finish line, cheering her on as she was paraded back to her tank. An hour later, Vita took home the gold again, this time in a slightly more protracted race. The crowd was even more amped, hooting and hollering as she scurried toward the black-and-white checkered goal zone. Turtles don’t really seem to know what racing is, but the track atop the shuffleboard table makes it easy for them. Martins admits she occasionally has to reorient a confused turtle, but other than that, the races are free from interference or incentive. 

“Once they’re on the track, they do what they do,” she said. Sometimes the turtles decide the crowd is too small and they don’t want to perform for the eager patrons. “Honestly, they’re little showmance sluts.”

Martins emphasizes the care taken to keep Vita and Ja Rule happy and healthy. Part of the proceeds from the night’s ticket sales go toward their personal supply of high-quality turtle food, there’s a strict no-flash photography rule, and touching the turtles or tapping on their tank is prohibited. The staff who handle the turtles wear gloves, as they transport the regal creatures high above the crowds at the start and end of each race. Turtles have no outer ears, Martins explained, so the roar of the crowd doesn’t bother them. To them, it just sounds like gentle white noise.

Turtles All the Way Down has been hosting monthly turtle races since the pandemic, and the audience for the head-on competition between the sluggish animals has only gotten larger. The event’s growing turnout may have had something to do with social media. Last month, the Instagram account @posh.vip posted a video about the races and it went viral, garnering nearly 40,000 likes. According to Martins, Sunday’s race was the biggest yet. 

Bobby, a Bed-Stuy resident, saw it advertised on Instagram and made the trek out, although the crowds and his loss on Ja Rule convinced him the night might be spent better elsewhere. “I think I might come back later, once it dies down,” he said with a laugh. The event’s ballooning popularity felt like it reached its apex on Sunday, but Martins explains that the races have been gaining traction beyond a local level for a while now. “It used to be just neighborhood people, and now there’s people who travel for it,” she said. “There’s people who came here from Thailand — people were bringing us guests from Vermont. They come.” 

Turtles All the Way Down will be hosting its next race on Sunday, April 6 at 4:00 p.m., but if this weekend was any indication, you might want to get there early.