Welcome to Concrete Jungle — a biweekly series where Brooklyn native Madison Black helps you navigate the ins and outs of NYC as a college student. Think of it as your personal survival guide, if you will. This week, we’ll get right into tips on how to survive Valentine’s Day in NYC as a college kid!

I’m gonna say it anyway!

YURRRR!

Welcome back to one of the most expensive universities in the world, where the elevators act as crazy as Jaden Smith’s Grammy’s red carpet look. It may be a new year and a new semester, but NYC is exactly the same. It’s still the rat-infested, creep-filled city that can’t help but annoy us every now and then.

But even in the midst of the piss smell that this city never fails to provide, it’s hard not to fall in love with the Big Apple and all of its imperfections.

Oh, how romantic…and dirty.

However, that sentiment can only keep our hearts warm for so long. The East Coast cold is still biting us in the ass. But it shouldn’t be the only thing getting a good bite out of life. The big heart of New York City still remains.

Valentine’s Day is upon us. For most of you, I’m sure you’re gearing up to go out with your beau. As for the rest of your lonely asses…

Have fun at home!

…I’m sorry, my bad. That was very rude of me. 

But on a serious note, aside from getting adjusted to the new classes, dating might be another new experience for many of you, especially in the NYC landscape. 

And what better time than now to indulge in dating, especially since New York City was officially ranked as one of the WORST places in the U.S. to find love!

Yep, according to Time Out, when it comes to looking for anything romantic, this city is horrendous.

It begs the question: how can we navigate college life and dating in the Big Apple?

Well, don’t worry. Your one and only Timbs-wearing, deadass fairy godmother is here to tell you everything you need to know. Here are a few tips that will help you survive the season of love in NYC as a college kid!

1. Don’t date a mutual on Instagram. Date the block button instead.

When I first started dating, I made the mistake of following guys who would follow me first. Now, you’re probably thinking, “How is that a mistake? Isn’t that the whole point of being on Instagram?” Well, yes, yes it is.

BUT:

Most of the time, I just did it because I would see that a few of my mutuals were following them back. However, my naive self eventually came to the realization that the “dating through mutual friends online” scenario is not ideal at all. Since that epiphany, the block button and I have been besties. 

Why, you might ask?

Because they ALL turned out to be weirdos. Mind you, most of the guys who added me weren’t going to school with me or anything of the sort. These were guys whom I had never met in person — which, at worst, was a safety concern, and at best, a possible new season of Catfish: The TV Show that I had no clue I was signing up for.

All I’m saying is that if you’re looking for a genuine connection, don’t expect it from the guy who randomly added you on Instagram. By the end of the day, he’ll probably end up adding 20 other girls he doesn’t know either. 

Another thing to keep in mind: 9 times out of 10, he’ll conveniently bring up that he can “dance like Chris Brown,” all because you have an Instagram post dedicated to his concert that you went to 3 years ago.

There’s a difference between trying to impress you and being borderline stalker-ish and performative. Don’t expect anything serious with these men. They’re the real sexbots of Instagram. Or, as I like to say, “thotbots.” 

2. Be direct with NYC men, because they will most definitely NOT be direct with you.

Now, I’m sure most of you who are coming to know New York are starting to realize that grit is a big part of what this place stands for. Energy in NYC is raw. There is truly nothing like it.

Many people in the city — particularly men — are very direct toward women, especially if they’re physically attractive. Catcalling is very common, and I’m sure some of you have experienced it firsthand. New Yorkers tell it like it is. If you look good, someone is gonna say so.

However, that doesn’t mean sweet talk or catcalling equates to honesty or intent. Just because someone is saying you look good doesn’t mean that they’re being 100% real with you. I mean, for all I know, the guy asking for my number the other day who said he was an “entrepreneur” probably only has one business: taking care of his 10 kids and 3 baby mamas.

As direct as men in New York are, they’re also very slick. They’ll say stuff that sounds real and aggressive, but half of the time it’s a lie or, at the very least, embellished. Take that as an opportunity to call them out or throw it back in their faces. Of course, don’t provoke too much (and keep the pepper spray on deck just in case), but don’t let anyone take you for a fool. Be as direct as they are with you. Catcall them as well. They need to experience it and know how it feels every now and then.

3. Stand firm on your boundaries, but also have fun!

Dating can be a great experience. Dating can be a great experience, despite the inevitable anxieties that come with it. I’m sure we can all agree that nobody wants to deal with that. 

So whether you’re faced with the potential love of your life or your next life lesson, remember that you’re in control of what happens in your dating life. 

Choose what you want to put up with and what you don’t. Have boundaries and set standards. At the end of the day, we’re all going to college in the most chaotic city in the world. That alone is stressful. Don’t allow someone else to add to that. 

But also, keep in mind that your heart doesn’t have to be as hard as the concrete you walk on. This is your time to enjoy yourself and meet new people. Explore, be open, and — again — have FUN. There’s never a time in the city when you can’t make new memories and cultivate one-of-a-kind experiences. 

I hope these tips can help you navigate through the season of love in the Big Apple!